you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
