ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
