it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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