Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
