uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
