i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
