Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
