TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
