i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
