i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
