Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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