Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
