So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
