nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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