mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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