I accidentally burped into my bong.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm bleeding and have questions
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
