Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
