i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
