Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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