Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
