So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
