I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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