i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
