i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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