It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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