Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
