I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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