when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
