I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
