It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My breasts were aching with rage.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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