Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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