Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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