Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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