They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
