would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
