I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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