I saw his package. It spoke to me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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