people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drake has all the answers
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
