Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
