You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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