And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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