Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
the liver wants what the liver wants
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
