At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
this is an emotional support booty call
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
