can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you didnt know i had herpes?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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