I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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