Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
