My first STD was from a foam party
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
