opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
