Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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