Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
