never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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