Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
