At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
