Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
